five times five equals twenty-five

what’s up everyone? man, this blogging game is a lot of hard work, especially since nobody’s paying me to do it. kinda kills the motivation if you know what i mean.

anyway i suppose there’s not a lot to write in here. i was thinking earlier about all the tirades i used to post over at livejournal, and how i used to have well-articulated opinions on…well, everything. but back then i could actually be bothered typing them up for you to read. these days, however, the thoughts either shrivel up and die due to a lack of oxygen, or my common sense gets the better of me and i decide that since nobody cares anyway i won’t bother typing it up. plus, wordpress is kinda fiddly when it comes to posting and editing entries. it’s times like these i regret not going for blogspot to begin with.

anyway. new job is keeping me pretty busy, but i can’t help feeling like i’m only one rung up from gloria jeans. the hockey season finished (we lost our grand final on penalties…wtf) so i’m doing 6km runs now instead. creative writing course also finished, but i’m slowly cooking a few ideas over low heat. i’m planning the overseas expedition for january-ish. i haven’t been going out as much as i was a few weeks ago, and i’m gonna put that down to the fact that i looked at my checks and balances for the first time in months and, reader, it was ugly.

the drum beat during the verse of ‘cut me mick’ by yellowcard makes me wet. pure pop goodness.

for the first time in ages i’ve actually been excited about getting into some new music. i’ve ‘acquired’ a diverse handful of new stuff that i’m digging quite a bit. i’m not ino name-dropping (or being judged by my readership) so i won’t make any lists. it seems strange to me that music is usually the acid test of choice when judging people we hardly know. it makes more sense to me to look at taste in movies or books or art. but on the other hand i guess music continually brings out the worst in all of us (bang at 5am?) so in that respect it’s unavoidable and even appropriate, especially when you’re pressed for time and need to make snap decisions.

when it comes to watching stuff, though, i can dish it out like there’s no tomorrow: the 400 blows, amelie and fallen angels are the only ones that spring to mind right now, but there’s been more. the 400 blows in particular was really awesome i thought. kinda bittersweet and sad, but also liberating and subversive. there’s more energy and passion and meaning here than anything i can remember seeing lately. and, just as a matter of personal preference, just throwing it out there: truffaut > godard. in the same way that xbox > playstation, and marijuana > tobacco, and full cream > skinny.

you know, i think maybe the reason my blogs have started sucking so bad is because everyone with a mouse and keyboard is so adept at cyberstalking these days. we all know it’s as easy as typing a name into facebook to track down, well, anyone, but most people are scarily good at not leaving any fingerprints, as it were. who actually reads this? show yourselves! i know you’re out there. i don’t want to name names or mention details about my day-to-day activities or give you any information pertaining to my whereabouts. not because i’m worried that somebody will start to follow me. the sheer scope of the freedom we have to write whatever the fuck we want on blogs and forums and whatever else is actually stifling. alls i’m saying is that it’s a kind of opressive, silent self-censorship. of the soul. it’s counter-intuitive to the ethics of owning and writing in a blog. but that’s life. the internet comes complete (ie. straight out of the box) with it’s own laws and politics, and i’d say nine out of ten of them are unspoken agreements we’ve all come to expect and accept through excessive use of social networking sites and subconscious acquiescence to their codes of behaviour. when did this happen?

i don’t know who or what i am most afraid of: the zombie kids waiting in line for this fuckin’ thing, the crazy lady preaching at them, or the idea that she might actually be on to something.

first world problems. don’t tase me, bro!

i think i’m a pretty honest and forgiving kind of person. you may have guessed from reading this blog (or, you know, talking to me, the analogue way) that i’m not above judging or flat-out humiliating people on the grounds of bad taste (fact: every episode of ’24’ that you watch reduces your IQ by 3), but it doesn’t take much to get in my good books. and i pride myself on my good books. all i’m saying is that despite my callous and scarred exterior, i have a morbid fear of disappointing people, or getting in their way, or talking to them when they don’t want to talk to me, or being judged myself. this is why i rarely hit on girls. (don’t get complacent, boys.) it’s borderline neurosis. but despite aesthetic judgments, i’m more or less willing to give anybody a chance. this is not to say i’m not in high spirits; the last month or so has been generally pretty good. i’m feeling alright. getting a lot of reading done, raking in the moneys, getting insanely amped about the summertime and the darjeeling limited. sadly, it doesn’t extend much beyond that. but who cares? that familiar status anxiety has taken a back seat for the time being.

so here’s me, completely guilt- and compassion-free, signing off.

take care, internet.